I no longer believe that my Mother loves me, or has any faith, stock, hope, promise, patience, or need for her one and only son.
I have often quoted Woody Allen, "Love fades."
This is so sadly true pertaining to romantic relationships.
It appears that sometimes works in family, paternal relationships.
I don't have kids. I shpouldn't be near this topic. But I will project myself into the soul of a parent.
Better yet, I will put the shoe on the other foot... If I were my Mom, how would I feel about my son?
Would I be disappointed in me? Yes, I would. But I would be more supportive, and less critical.
My Mom has been purposely cruel at times. Throwing old, past failures, back into the present.
This chilish act, does nothing. Maybe it subconsciously created resentment in my mind? I consciously try not to react to her petty attempts at bringing my feelinngs down. Why would somebody who used to love you more than anything, do this now? Especially when I clearly react better to support.
When I get upset with somebody I care for, I walk away. Or maybe slam a car door, or do something innocuos toward that person
Her reasoning behind her negative statement, could possibly be the pleasure procures from needling me with examples of my foibles, lies, bad ideas, periods of latency, etc...
It appears that the bottom line with her is this:I don't give her enough money. If she could control me, she would.
Admittedly, I have not contributed nearly enough money toward the Florida Power and Light bill. So I have been trying to step things up in other areas to contribute.
I held a garage sale with my mother. I sold $50 of my stuff, and gave her $45. I also was partially responsible for the sales of her things, and her friend's bike- due in large part to my Craigslist postings and photos.
I made signs and posted them I collected $ from the items I sold of hers, while she went to a few sales.
I am trying to help her quit smoking. I spent an hour and change going through the process off applying for state assisted, free nicotine patches. I gave them to her. I figured she would save $125.00 a month-if she quit. She didn't appreciate this small effort on my part.
When she feels I haven't given her cash for awhile, or not enough "contribution," she gets me back with some passive aggressive verbal bomb. This is meant to be hurtful.
A long time ago, but not that long ago, I had a great Mom who loved me unconditionally.
Now, it's all about conditions, blame, and resentment. The love has been replaced with unconditional retribution and disgust.
A pile of money would clean the slate, and make everything better on her end.
For me, things won't be the same ever.
Seeing something that was supposed to be an absolute; fade, and get jaded over money, hurts my heart. You only have a Mother's love unconditionally for a finite period. It isn't forever for me, and it doesn't heal when the slate gets cleaned. Not for me.
I have often quoted Woody Allen, "Love fades."
This is so sadly true pertaining to romantic relationships.
It appears that sometimes works in family, paternal relationships.
I don't have kids. I shpouldn't be near this topic. But I will project myself into the soul of a parent.
Better yet, I will put the shoe on the other foot... If I were my Mom, how would I feel about my son?
Would I be disappointed in me? Yes, I would. But I would be more supportive, and less critical.
My Mom has been purposely cruel at times. Throwing old, past failures, back into the present.
This chilish act, does nothing. Maybe it subconsciously created resentment in my mind? I consciously try not to react to her petty attempts at bringing my feelinngs down. Why would somebody who used to love you more than anything, do this now? Especially when I clearly react better to support.
When I get upset with somebody I care for, I walk away. Or maybe slam a car door, or do something innocuos toward that person
Her reasoning behind her negative statement, could possibly be the pleasure procures from needling me with examples of my foibles, lies, bad ideas, periods of latency, etc...
It appears that the bottom line with her is this:I don't give her enough money. If she could control me, she would.
- Have me get a job, so I can give her more money than I have been.
- Pay her the back $3,000.00 she's been counting
- Leave me cat with her, and vacate the premisis
Admittedly, I have not contributed nearly enough money toward the Florida Power and Light bill. So I have been trying to step things up in other areas to contribute.
I held a garage sale with my mother. I sold $50 of my stuff, and gave her $45. I also was partially responsible for the sales of her things, and her friend's bike- due in large part to my Craigslist postings and photos.
I made signs and posted them I collected $ from the items I sold of hers, while she went to a few sales.
I am trying to help her quit smoking. I spent an hour and change going through the process off applying for state assisted, free nicotine patches. I gave them to her. I figured she would save $125.00 a month-if she quit. She didn't appreciate this small effort on my part.
When she feels I haven't given her cash for awhile, or not enough "contribution," she gets me back with some passive aggressive verbal bomb. This is meant to be hurtful.
A long time ago, but not that long ago, I had a great Mom who loved me unconditionally.
Now, it's all about conditions, blame, and resentment. The love has been replaced with unconditional retribution and disgust.
A pile of money would clean the slate, and make everything better on her end.
For me, things won't be the same ever.
Seeing something that was supposed to be an absolute; fade, and get jaded over money, hurts my heart. You only have a Mother's love unconditionally for a finite period. It isn't forever for me, and it doesn't heal when the slate gets cleaned. Not for me.
Unconditional Love Is A Tuxedo Cat
The only true example of this unconditional love that I have in this life is my Tux cat, Cathead Napier. I know, I sound like a teenage girl that just saw "The Notebook."
But I am at a crossroads again. Everybody knows how raw emotions can be during a time of change and introspection. Mine are totally exposed near the surface.
Something like realizing your own Mom not only no longer unconditionally loves you anymore, but doesn't even care if I know this...Well, that's a pretty grim and stark discovery.
One that's deserving of a fifth of Rosewood Bitters. If only I drank!
The only true example of this unconditional love that I have in this life is my Tux cat, Cathead Napier. I know, I sound like a teenage girl that just saw "The Notebook."
But I am at a crossroads again. Everybody knows how raw emotions can be during a time of change and introspection. Mine are totally exposed near the surface.
Something like realizing your own Mom not only no longer unconditionally loves you anymore, but doesn't even care if I know this...Well, that's a pretty grim and stark discovery.
One that's deserving of a fifth of Rosewood Bitters. If only I drank!